Top 5 Worst Uses of RSS and Atom
We all know where RSS and Atom are useful, helpful, fantastic, blah blah blah. Its something we just take for granted these days. But what about the really awful uses of RSS? Where should we not have feeds? Hey, its a slow Friday. I submit for your consideration, therefore…
5. RSS-Enabled Bark Control Dog Collar. 
These humane devices deliver a mild electric shock to your beloved canine, just for speaking his mind. The neighbor says the collar doesn’t work, and Fido barks the whole time you are gone at work. True? Find out by retrofitting the collar with a Bluetooth transmitter that sends a message to your home network with every bark. A simple application publishes an update to Fido’s Bark Record Feed, which is then uploaded to a public internet server. Subscribe to the feed at work and see just how many times the neighbor’s cat comes into the yard! Better yet, use the microphone on the collar to generate a podcast recording of every bark! Act now, supplies are limited.
4. Atom-Enabled Water Fountain. 
We’re having a drought in Colorado Springs again. Local restaurants only serve water on request. Lawn irrigation is restricted to twice a week in the evenings. But where is the real waste happening? Find out by equipping your water fountain with an Atom feed. Every time the button is pushed, you can read about it in your favorite News reader! This water fountain even has a customized drain plate to show its capabilities. Drink responsibly!
3. Spam Monitor. 
All these email services claim that they’re filtering out spam, but how do you really know? Now you can! Yahoo, Earthlink, and AOL have teamed up to offer Spamassurefeed(tm), a new RSS service for your email account. Want to know when they save you from getting spammed? Now you can! Just subscribe to your personalized Spamassurefeed(tm) feed, and you’ll get a new RSS item every time they block a spam. And just so you know it really was spam, they’ll include the content of the message, right there in your feed! (Due to server limitations, this service is not available for Bill Gates.)
2. Department of Motor Vehicles Take-A-Number. 
The last time you went to the DMV to renew your driver license, how long did it take? Hours, days, still waiting? Why waste your time slumming with the detritus of society when you could relax in comfort at your own computer? Just take a number and go home! Subscribe to your DMV’s “Now Serving” feed and find out when your number comes up. Remember, though, that the nice lady behind the desk won’t wait more than 27 microseconds for you to claim your number before she skips you. So be sure to set your feed refresh rate to something less than an hour!
1. Pacemaker Feed. 
If your loved one relies on a pacemaker for life, you can’t afford not to know if it is functioning. Give yourself peace of mind and give grandpa a Feed-enabled Pacemaker this Christmas. A simple transmitter using the Nortel pager network broadcasts a status message every thirty minutes. For a reasonable subscription fee of $9.95 a month, you can get an RSS or Atom feed of gramps’ pacemaker status reports. This is one newsfeed you won’t want to miss over the weekend! “Hey, its Monday morning, and grandpa’s pacemaker needed a new battery on Friday. Maybe I should call?”
Feed Responsibly!
